Paleo Mayo - Sort of...

I had the time last night to go ahead and cook up my meals for the next few days. I don't have a chance to cook every night, so i cook in advance and then just pack leftovers for lunch. The boyfriend wanted shrimp, and i had that yummy bacon butter sitting in the fridge, calling to me, and the grocery store had asparagus on sale. So, i decided to toss the shrimp and the asparagus in a pan, along with a heaping spoonful of that bacon butter, and sautee it.

Delicious. Really. Even the boyfriend say "yeah, it's not bad". For a guy who's new to seafood, and still not real sure about it, that's high praise indeed.

Also on the agenda for the night was an attempt at paleo mayo. I had a craving for tuna salad. I was never a real big meat eater, so now that i'm eating meat at every meal, the same old beef and chicken is getting old. I wanted to shake things up a bit, and go with seafood for a while. Since i'm trying to stay paleo, a tuna salad sandwich was out of the question. But, I could make the tuna salad and then eat it on cucumber slices (instead of on crackers, which i had see in a cracker ad in the groucery coupon flyer). The only problem was that i didnt have any mayo.

I've never been a real big mayo fan. I was raised on Miracle Whip, not mayo. But, i eat ate my sandwiches dry, no condiments, so i never kept it in the house unless i knew i was making tuna salad (and even then, i'd use it once, and it would sit in the fridge until the expiration date). So, I decided to try my hand at making paleo mayo. I followed the instructions in Dr. Cordain's paleo cookbook (i forget the name right now). I did some extra reading online, and saw that you need to add the oil very slowly, because if you add it too fast , it wont emulsify.

I followed the instructions. I added the ingredients. I used the blender like it says in the book. I added the oil agonizingly slowly. I made a mess all over my countertop. In the end, all i had was a soupy mess that was bright yellow and definitely not mayonnaise, and a broken blender. Apparently, if you're in the habit of running the blender blades through the dishwasher, and then someone accidentally puts them away wet, and you have iron rich hard water like i do, the part of the blade that spins is eventually going to rust. When it rusts, and then you attempt to use the blender as much as i do, it rubs, the friction causes it to smoke, and eventually it builds up so much heat that things start melting.

So, no mayo, no tuna salad, and now it's time to go blender shopping. On a side note, i mentioned the mayo failure to a friend who's also trying to go paleo. She said she'd had the same soupy mess, and killed her blender in the process as well. Sounds like i'm going to be on the hunt for a commercially available paleo mayo. Any recommendations?

You had me at bacon butter...

I try to read Mark's Daily Apple most days. A while back, i saw a post that i just had to try. It's instructions on making your own homemade cultured butter. Apparently cultured butter is WAY better than the regular stuff, and homemade is better than regular.

I remember making homemade butter as a kid. We'd pour heavy cream into a mason jar, and then shake it until it formed butter. I figured, hey, i can do that again. Then i read the article further, and saw that Mark recommends adding flavors to your butter. He goes on to specifically mention bacon butter as an option. Now that, i've got to try.

If you're following along at home, you can find the original entry with instructions here

Here's how it all went down....

Mark says we can use either cultured cream, or creme fraiche. If we can't find creme fraiche, we can make it at home. I can't find it, so i follow the instructions to make it. It's 2 cups of heavy whipping cream, and 4 tablespoons of cultured buttermilk. Then, you let them sit out at room temperature for betwen 8 and 24 hours. I plan ahead, but then forget about it, so mine sits out for 25 hours. According to Mark, after some time the cream will get really thick. I take this to mean it'll get universally thick. Instead, i get a thick crust along the top about the same consistency of marshmallow fluff. It's still cream underneath.

I'm a little concerned that i've botched it already. But, i boldly plunge on with the experiment. Step two: Whip it. Whip it real good. Mark says we can put it in a jar and shake it, or run it through a food processor. Ambitious as ever, i decide to shake it. But, i've still got to chop the bacon to add later. So i toss the bacon in the mini-chopper (brilliant things, everyone should have one).

At this point, i notice that it's a bit later at night than i thought it was. I decide that it'll take way too long to make a whole batch by hand. I decide to use the processor. But i don't want to get out the big processor, i'm going to just toss the creme fraiche in the mini chopper with the bacon. So, in goes the bowl of cream and chunks of more cream. (i should note that Mark says the bacon goes in at the end, but it's late, and i'm too excited about bacon butter to read the instructions carefully). Then, i'm supposed to process for about 3 minutes, until the cream starts to thicken into butter, and seperate from the buttermilk. I'm making a half batch, so it doesnt take me 3 minutes. It takes about 30 seconds.

I pour out the buttermilk, process some more, and then when i've poured off all the buttermilk i can, i scrape the bacon buttery goodness into the bowl.

Next step, add some cold water, which won't mix with the butter, it'll stay seperated and help rinse out the last of the buttermilk. This is the point where i realize i've bungled it again. I'm rinsing away precious bacon crumblies. That's sacrilege. Really.

After several more rinses, i called it done, transferred it to a jar, and it was ready for the fridge.

It's beautiful, isnt it? I havent tasted it yet. I'll be sure to let you all know how it tastes... It better be good. It's bacon and butter, how can it be bad?

I have the best mother ever...

Over the weekend, we threw a surprise 60th birthday party for my mother. For several days leading up to the party, the siblings and i were convinced she knew something was up. She kept making comments about how nice it would be to see the sister who was secretly coming in from out of town, if only the sister would come home sometime. She booked a hair appointment for the morning of the party. She blithely accepted all of our evasions and sudden changes of plans. We've never been able to tell lies she hasnt seen right through.

Turns out, we were wrong. She had no idea, was definitely surprised, and then cried in front of the whole restaurant. We did good.

Having the whole family together is just about one of the best feelings in the whole world. Adding in close friends, and tons of other people who all love and appreciate how awesome my mom is, only adds icing to the cake.

There was cake. Cake isnt paleo. But i ate it anyway. My mother only turns 60 once, at least until next year, when she intends to do it again.